I recently finished reading Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me? for the fifth time. The book is adorable, relatable, and surprisingly informative—everything I could want in a memoir. One question from this book stood out to me, though. Kaling was on a panel for strong women and a young lady, a young woman of colour, asked her, "where do you get your confidence from." Kaling mentioned that, to her, the subtext of the question would have been very different if she’d been asked by an older white man than if asked by the young lady who asked her in the first place. I, on the other hand, am a person who is bad at conveying and at interpreting subtext. To any audience, my response would likely be the same four pronged answer: my home, my school, my church, and my friends

My home gives me confidence. This is true both of my home the British Virgin Islands and the home that are my family’s houses. The BVI gives me confidence because it is a territory I can be proud of. When I travel abroad I am excited and proud to act as a temporary ambassador who boasts the beauty and accolades of my home. I am proud that my Islands are an example of black excellence, and that our degrees per capita are very high and that we are a close-knit collectivist society. Knowing that I am from here gives me confidence. Similarly, my family gives me confidence. They taught me that I am allowed to make mistakes, that I am unconditionally loved, and that if something feels wrong or doesn’t make sense, I should fight it with facts.

The fact that I am allowed to make mistakes is great, especially since I make them often. Sometimes it’s saying the wrong thing to a friend in pain, sometimes it’s missing an important deadline. The important part that is emphasized in my home is to learn from such mistakes. Knowing that I am loved, cared for, and that if I choose to fight a battle, I’ll be supported, gives me confidence.

My school, gives me confidence. I love school. People laugh at me for saying that all of the time, but I truly love school. Though I like any institution that is academically enriching, I specifically love my school. I have been there for nine years and every single day I come out with stronger writing skills, a larger vocabulary, and a new idea to help me change the world for the better. My teachers hail from all over the globe and their perspectives are all very different. One thing, however, binds them together, and that’s the fact that they want us, as students, to succeed. There has never been an instance where I put in effort to better myself where I was not met with support, resources, and a listening ear from my teachers. Some of my favourite conversations have been had after a class. I’ll continue discussing the lesson of that day with a teacher and picking their brain for any further information I can gather, and I leave jovial and excited. The community of my school gives me confidence.

My friends give me confidence. I never had confidence before I had friends. My friends, all eleven of them, give me confidence. They give me confidence because they are a part of my tribe (my support network) that I chose. Furthermore, they chose to be in it, so they chose me. The love, jokes, and company that I get from them gives me confidence.

Lastly, one of the first places that I remember knowing myself was at the Road Town Methodist Church. I have been an attendee there for my whole life and my journey there was transformative. As a little girl I learned songs and prayers from my great great Aunts Adorathy and Inez. They taught me the collection song—"Hear the pennies dropping, listen as they fall. Everyone for Jesus, he will have them all. Dropping dropping dropping dropping, hear the pennies fall, everyone for Jesus, he shall have them all. Now that we are little, pennies are of sort, but when we are older, Lord we’ll give thee more. Drop in drop in drop in drop in hear the pennies fall, everyone for Jesus, he shall have them all. If we have no money, we can give him love, we will earn our offering, smiling from above, dropping dropping dropping dropping, hear the pennies fall. Everyone for Jesus, he shall have them all!"— and many prayers that stay with me in my heart to this day, even though one of them has passed.

Frequently, because I am a nerd who loves science, it is assumed that I don’t believe in God. It’s assumed that I cannot because those two things are thought of as incompatible. That’s simply not true. For me, part of being confident is knowing that no matter what, there will always be a place where I belong. There’s an old African proverb that says "You don’t have to fear the wind if your roots are deep", and my roots are in my faith.